I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
