My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize