rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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