I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
