I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
