did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I could make wine with my vomit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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