Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
