my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
