DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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