Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
