i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just google imaged poop.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
