OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
