The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
