I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
