This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
