Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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