Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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