please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
