I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
