i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
