it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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