I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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