just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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