Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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