they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
