i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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