Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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