youre lurking in front of me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
