Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
