So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
