Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
