Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
