Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
