he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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