oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
