i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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