final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
