If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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