We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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