Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my poor anus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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