There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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