my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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