my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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