Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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