oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
