I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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