We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
