I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
