Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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