when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
