He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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