every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
