bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
