It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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