I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
