Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
