am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
