its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
