please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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