New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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