I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
