can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is Oprah even human
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
