the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
