Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
