I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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