I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
