Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
