It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
