I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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