May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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