it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
