this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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