I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
