my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
