you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
